Tuesday, April 21, 2015


It's happening.
I'm going through "the change."
I suppose it was inevitable.
I know, I know....you are all thinking "she is a little young for this to be happening, isn't she?"
Well, to be honest...this isn't the first time.
Oh....wait.  I'm not going through that change.....yet.
Although I might as well just get that over with, since we are talking about it.
There really is no point in waiting around.
Anyway, my tastes are changing.
Only right now....I have no idea what I actually like.
I sit in my car, and have no idea what to listen to.
I have a pile of CD's in my car, and have no desire to listen to any of them. (Yes, I am old school.  I don't have one single song downloaded onto my phone...nor do I have whatever cord I need to hook my phone up to my car stereo.  My kids think I'm a dinosaur.)
I probably would be much happier if I just listened to a good Pandora station, and found some new artists to explore.
Maybe I will try that one of these days.
Until then, I will just listen to the same old stuff I have, and be completely bored with it.
Then there is all the stuff in my house.
Some of it I still love (since I just did some re-decorating last summer.)
For a long time, I was head over heels in love with shabby chic.

EVERYTHING had to be distressed, and pastel, and oh-so-chic.
My dream house would have been all white and shabby...with pops of pale pink and aqua.

Yeah....totally over the whole "everything has to be distressed" thing.
I have no idea what I like now.
Onto my wardrobe.
I think I had a pretty specific style a couple of years ago.
I recall getting all dolled up everyday...straightening my hair, wearing cute jeans and boots, and looking pretty hip.

After about six months of that, I realized my hair was getting shorter (since I was gradually burning it off with that damn straightener) so I ended up  chopping it all off.
I guess the effort to look cute every day wore off as well....and now I am a colossal slob.
Two nights ago, the kids and I were getting ready to leave for musical rehearsal. I was walking to the car in my typical Sunday garb, and they both looked at me and said "Are you seriously wearing that?"
I replied "Well...yeah, why?"
Lexie told me I looked like a hobo...but if I didn't care, then she was fine with it.
(I had on baggy sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt.  Okay....it wasn't my finest fashion moment...but I wasn't trying to impress anyone.  I guess the fact that the entire high school music department was going to be there perhaps called for something a little less pajama like?  I don't know.)
I put some jeans on.
Anyway....I really have gotten to the point where I could care less what I look like in most situations.
I am not trying to get a date.  I am not trying to impress anyone.
I AM enjoying being comfortable...and I like to put as little time and effort as possible into getting ready each day.
I guess that results in looking like a hobo.
So there you have it.
Perhaps...if this whole "eat healthy, and get my butt off the couch" thing results in weight loss, I will try a new look.
Maybe something like "slightly better than hobo."
As for what style of clothing I am into these days...I have no idea.
A couple of years ago...when I decided to chop my hair off, so it would be healthy again...I figured it would be a good time for an actual "hairstyle."

(It was pretty cute...when I was thin.)

(Just a side note...if you have naturally curly hair...you are pretty much guaranteed that you will never have an actual "hairstyle." Ever.  You can have it cut any way you want...but it will always just be a big curly mess.)
I attempted to maintain this "hairstyle" for a couple of years....but have since decided to just grow the darn thing out again.
Because, obviously I have no idea what I want to do with it.
In other words....I am just a big fat pile of indecisiveness these days.
I can't even decide if I want to read fiction or self-help.
Do I want a decorating magazine or cooking....or perhaps fitness?
Should I watch a movie....or a TV show?
Eggs...or yogurt with fruit?
If this keeps up much longer, I'm going to have to hire a personal decision maker!
The only thing I never have a problem deciding on is what to wear once I'm done for the day.
It's either the green and white reindeer pj pants (currently wearing)....or the blue christmas tree pair.  Whichever I see first....and are reasonably clean.
Then, a tank top or long sleeved t-shirt...depending upon the temperature.
In other words, once I get home and am done for the day,
I look good.
Not to mention festive....all year long.
Well, I do switch it up in the summer once it gets hot.
Otherwise, everything else in my life is a traumatic decision making nightmare.
It's a miracle that I come up with anything to write about for this blog.
Especially considering that the possibilities are endless.
It's quite fortunate that I don't have to choose from a specific list of topics, and 99% of the time when I sit down to write, I have absolutely NO idea what on earth I'm going to pontificate about.
So, in reality, I don't have to make any decisions at all.
If only everything in life were that easy.
I think I'm going to spend the day trying to figure out how to simplify my life, and narrow down my choices.
That is the problem in America.
We have way too many choices.
Look at any menu in any restaurant.
When we were in St. Lucia last summer, we ate at different restaurants each night, and we always had two options:
chicken or fish
Life was much simpler there.
That is what I need.
Chicken or fish.
There was octopus a couple of times....I stuck with the mahi mahi.
I think it's time to make life simple.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Spare Tires

You know how we all have that one thing that we inherited (and I'm not talking about aunt Myrtle's ugly pot holders) that we just loathe?
And by "inherited" I mean, genetically.
For some, it's their great-uncle's bulbous nose.
Or perhaps your mother's cankles.
Some wish they were tall and lanky, other's wish they weren't.
My least favorite, horrendously unattractive, constant battle, is my waistline.
When I was in high school...I thought it was bad.
HA! Little did I know how I should have enjoyed those measly 101 pounds I carried around!!
Fast forward to college.
Nothing like dorm food, $3 Dominos pizza after midnight, and way too much beer.
I would often have fries and a bagel with cream cheese for a meal.
How did I not know how bad that was?
How did I not realize that I was getting fat??
It's amazing how sheltered and ignorant I was when it came to nutrition and health 25 years ago.
And really sad, because maybe I would have been a bit more pro-active.
Every calorie I consumed seemed to multiply the fat cells in my abdomen.
I can't remember the last time I have worn a form fitted top without something over the top of it to "hide" my spare tire.
I am the queen of layering.
I either layer, or wear something that is flowing and not clingy.
To make matters worse, it would seem that when I am actually in public, it is usually behind a piano...which means I'm sitting.
This means my stomach fat doubles.
When I stand up, I can at least create the illusion of leanness, because I am nicely stretched out.  
When I sit, my lack of a waist creates an accordion like result, in which all of my fat just squishes into a big huge roll.
It is most frightening.  And unavoidable.
Hence, the layering.
Quite frankly...whenever I spot a woman with a tiny waist and flat stomach, I find myself staring at her, somewhat obsessively.  I sit and think "what must it be like to wake up in the morning and know you can put on ANYTHING, and not have to worry about hiding your tummy?!"  Seriously....how amazing must it feel to never have that roll of fat flopping over your jeans?  It just must be the most fantastic thing in the whole world.
(And yes...I really do sit and think about these things....a lot.)
I've tried diets and exercise that targets my abs, etc.  But, as these things go, I lose weight everywhere but there.
So, I finally have decided to try a new approach.
I read "Wheat Belly" a year or so ago, and it made a lot of sense to me....but seriously....how the heck was I going to stop eating bread, much less give up grains all together??!
So that lasted about a week.
Well, I'm back on the horse again.  Only slowly this time.
I've just eliminated bread so far.
I still use tortillas occasionally, and have really backed off on pasta and rice.
I'm also being really careful about my sugar intake.
I think a lot of this stuff triggers my migraines as well...so I'm looking at it as a big experiment, that will hopefully reduce other "big" things as well. ;)
So far, it's been pretty easy....except at night.
Why is everything so much harder at night?
It's like my will power shuts down, and my cravings turn way up.
I hate that.
I have been drinking blueberry tea in an attempt to keep myself busy and not snack.
I am also finding that if I just keep the fridge stocked with some basic ingredients, I can come up with variations of things I like that are easy and healthy.  It's amazing how you can change up a combination of:
spinach, tomatoes, black beans, garbanzo beans, peas, chicken, eggs, salsa, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, yogurt, peppers, cheddar cheese, tortillas.  And I also have apples, broccoli, cauliflower, other fruit and nuts for snacks.
Veggie Salad

Strawberry, Chicken and Spinach salad

Then, late at night, I usually torture myself.
For instance, I will look through my latest Cooking Light magazine (because that is a GREAT idea when you are hungry) or Pinterest (because there is nothing that looks delicious there that will cause you to start salivating.)
Might I suggest that looking at anything involving food while trying to not think about food is a BAD IDEA.
Sometimes I challenge myself.
For instance, while soaking in the tub, I will attempt to read a magazine while eating an apple.
I urge you to give that one a try.
Believe me, it sounds a lot easier than it actually is.
If you can finish that apple without dropping it, or the magazine in the water...you get a prize.
I don't know if I will ever see the day when I will not feel self conscious about my over abundant middle.
I know that it is only going to get harder to lose with age...so I better start the battle right now, since time is working against me already.
I think, more than anything, I just am tired of feeling tired.
I am tired of headaches, and my stomach always feeling upset.
It's amazing how a lifetime goes by in an instant, and I keep saying "Oh, I'll take better care of myself tomorrow."
That really is the bottom line here.
It is time to not just look, but to feel healthy.
I hope it involves finally getting rid of all this unwanted flab....but even if it just reduces it, that will make me happy.
It's so easy to sit around, and eat crappy food all day, because it tastes good, and for some reason, it's really fun. (WHY IS IT SO FUN???)
However, it really does make you feel crappy in the end...and what is the point of that?
In the short amount of time that I have been eliminating processed food and bread from my diet, my stomach issues have almost completely cleared up (and I have had weird stomach issues for at least 2 years) and my headaches have been much better (with the exception of this week...but that was completely hormone related.)  So, obviously, there was something in those foods that my body wasn't tolerating.  I am crossing my fingers that I will find just the right combination of food and exercise that will melt all of the unwanted weight off...and I will look like a 23 year old again.
I will let you know how that goes.

Until then....I will avoid bakeries like the plague, and only go to the grocery store after I've eaten, because we all know what a bad idea it is to go when you are hungry.
And, maybe I will ask my doctor if there is a temporary procedure that could be done to take away my sense of smell.  Because, quite frankly, more than anything, I think it's the aroma of fresh baked bread, and donuts, and cake and everything baked and delicious that drives me nuts.
Maybe I'll just shove cotton balls up my nose, and call it good enough.