Friday, November 28, 2014

Black Friday

It has officially arrived.
Black Friday.
I may check out some online sales...but that is as close as this chicka is coming to participating in this day of retail insanity.
We literally live a few blocks from lots of shopping...Shopko, Target, Old Navy, TJ Maxx, Gap, and the mall.
I dread this day, just because if we try to go anywhere, we have to deal with the crazy traffic, just trying to get out of our neighborhood.
I'm guessing that since Black Friday now starts on Tangerine Tuesday....or whenever the hell they have moved it back to...maybe it won't be so bad after all.
Nevertheless....I am only leaving the house if absolutely necessary.

I hope everyone had a lovely Turkey Day.
I thought I would give you a brief run down of our quiet little day at home.
I attempted to get everyone to church on time....but Mark was busy getting himself acquainted with his new girl, Shaniqua. (the turkey)  Just a quick side note.....whenever we refer to Mark's make believe girlfriend(s), her name is Shaniqua.  The way he was rubbing down this little lady this morning...well, I would definitely call their relationship more than "casual."

I didn't need to watch any more of Lexie and I headed out the door.  Mark and Sam made it to church by the time the homily started.  (Good effort boys!)
Once we returned home, the excitement began.
Mark opened a bottle of wine and cranked up his cheesy music (it was the typical lounge lizard vinyl, circa 1970) I paid attention for about 30 seconds and heard "When the Saints Go Marching In" being played by trombones.  I mentally checked out after that.
I knew we were in for a memorable feast when I saw him open up the turkey bag to put flour in it, and the flour went right through (the bag was defective, and completely open on both ends) and nicely floured his shoes and the floor.
The best part of this was his delayed reaction.  He just stood there, holding the bag in one hand, the measuring cup in the other, and looking back and forth between the bag and his shoe....the bag and his shoe...with this expression of complete confusion on his face.
About 10 minutes later....he finally figured out a plan (tie both ends of the bag...pure genius!) and dinner was in the works. (And really did take about 10 minutes for this to all come to fruition.)  I was not about to offer suggestions, because it was much more entertaining to just observe this whole process from afar.
I decided (about two hours into this whole debacle) that perhaps I should offer some assistance, so I took on the job of "mashed potato maker" since I really do make a yummy mashed potato.  (It's all about the delicious, high caloric things you add in.)  I figured if he made them, they would be lumpy and tasteless...and I was having none of that.
While I was mashing, he was preparing the "dressing."  He made sure we all knew that it was "dressing" not "stuffing" it was not spending any time shoved into any of Shaniqua's orifices.  For this, we were all thankful.
He put all of the ingredients together (he had chosen a Martha Stewart recipe) and stirred it up.  Then he looked at me and said " this is all I have to do with this, right?  You don't need to cook this stuff or anything, do you??"
This was when I realized that I should just probably book a couple of rooms at Gundersen Lutheran for the next day or two, while we were all recovering from salmonella poisoning.  (He did add gizzards, and other internal organs that we really should just not even talk food poisoning was imminent.)
We had a brief discussion about how food is typically better when cooked.
It went pretty well, and he followed directions nicely.
Too bad he didn't follow the recipe so nicely.  It had called for just plain white bread croutons...and then you add lots of yummy things, like cherries and pecans..etc.
He decided to get the seasoned (aka: high sodium) stuffing mix bread whatever it's called...rather than just the plain kind.  So...his "dressing" tasted like heavily seasoned, over salted stuffing....and you couldn't even taste the good stuff he had added. 
Markus Stewart needs to not stray from the recipe next time.
Then, he started to make the gravy.
What I observed (before just leaving the kitchen altogether) was some brown goop that had the consistency of cookie dough.
I offered my assistance...but he said "no...I've got this!"  I had to leave, I couldn't watch it happen.
Somehow, a Thanksgiving miracle occurred, and it actually turned into real gravy.
I did fall asleep on the couch during this whole he very well may have run out to the store and just purchased a jar of gravy.  I will never know.
After our Thanksgiving was time for pie.
Well...kind of.
Mark bought a pumpkin pie.
I should mention that he is the only person in our house who eats that stuff.
This is what he brought downstairs when we were going to watch a movie. you think it's a big enough slice?
He had another one during the second movie.  (In other words...1/2 of the pie)
I just sat there and wished I had baked an apple pie.
I ate a hersheys bar instead.
Because I really needed that.
And so, here we are....another Thanksgiving has past...and Christmas is quickly approaching.
I think I need a couple extra weeks in December.
If someone could arrange that, I would really appreciate it.
For those who are braving the cold and the crowds,
happy shopping.
I will be sitting at my computer, being thankful that I'm not crazy like you!
(just kidding! Sort of.)

And for all who work in retail....God bless your sweet little souls!

Oh...and I think this^^ should be changed to
one MONTH out of the year.
Or perhaps one SEASON.
Say whatever you want, I fully support your freedom of speech.

Happy Friday everyone!

No comments:

Post a Comment