Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Hook, Line, and Sinker

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

I had a subject all planned when I woke up with a great topic, lots of meaning...the whole bit.  But then, as always, I got in the tub, and my mind started to churn.  I find it SO interesting that EVERYDAY, thus far, an idea hits me while in the tub, and I find I can't get ready fast enough, because I need to get to the computer and start writing before it all goes away!
I was pondering a message from my dear friend, in which I told her that "one day, I would share one of my middle school photos with her".  Last night, I started perusing my old photo albums (and there are some GEMS in there.)  While shampooing this morning, it hit me.  Of course!  Today, I shall write about "How to catch a man."
I am hesitant to admit that this is a subject I am somewhat well versed in.  I don't doubt that many of you probably have the same experience.  I think this is actually one of more exciting hunting expeditions in life.  Today, I will include a bit of a tutorial, if I may be so bold.  As they say, practice makes perfect, and since I have had a lot of practice in this area, I would like to think I have perfected it, because, damn...look at the fish I caught!! (I better make sure he reads this post!!)

^^^MY FISH..(both of them!)^^^

Since I am using a fish analogy, let's just stick with that.  We all know that you need to catch a lot of perch before you land that big bass.  There will be a lot of "catch and release" in  your life, and if everyone is lucky, they won't swallow the hook, and there will be no need for you to stick a plier thingy down their throat and pull out their innards. (I always have to look away during that part...and say a little "I'm so sorry I just killed you for no reason at all" apology.  I say that to the fish too.)
Let's get to the tutorial.
First, we start with ourselves.
I will use myself as an example.  
We are not all natural beauties....but we do all start pretty darn cute....
and for the most part, while our personalities are developing, we haven't begun to be odd or quirky yet.  So, most of us fit in nicely with the rest of society.
However, time passes quickly, and (especially if you were a child of the 70's or 80's) people with brains that were able to comprehend what fashion/accessories should look like weren't invented yet.
Sadly, everyone alive was not aware of this fact, so we continued to dress the way they told us to.  And worse, we took pictures of ourselves that way.  Today, it would seem that very few middle and high school girls go through what the rest of us knew all to well as the "ugly stage."  My daughter is a great example of that.  We were both plagued with the same underbite.  We both went to the SAME orthodontist.  Apparently he decided to learn some new techniques in the 20 years between our treatments, considering she had braces for 1.5 years.  I had them for SEVEN.  Yes.  Seven long years of ugly....because I had glasses too.  Shall we compare?
Beth as a junior in high school:
and now Lexie as a junior in high school:
And this is fair how???
Anyway,  thank God every other girl in the world also had hair that didn't fit into the parameters of the camera lens, glasses that rested nicely on their upper lip, and braces until they were 20.
And thank God boys didn't know any better.
Luckily, fashion improved..sloooowly.  Unfortunately, it took at least another 10-12 years for glasses to shrink down to normal size, but that is another issue all together. 
At any rate...this tutorial is not for natural beauties...because you are fish magnets, and don't need it. This is for the rest of us who have to put some effort into it.  And we would appreciate it if you just kept your perfectly-gorgeous-all-the-damn-time selfs scarce once in awhile.  (I do have to say that most of the super gorgeous women I know are also SUPER I can't hate them. Dammit.)
Onto the tutorial.
Here are my tips for catching that fish:
First of all, you must realize that is going to take A LOT of effort on your part.  Men are very challenged when it comes to understanding the fairer sex, so quite frankly ladies, we have to do all the work here, when it comes to starting a relationship.  
1.  Find common interests.
If you can find something you both enjoy, he will both interested in spending time with you, and interested in learning more about you, because obviously, you must be cool, considering you like the same thing!! I can guarantee, you will see the excitement on his face!!

2.  Show him your strengths.  He, of course, will want to be the alpha in the relationship, but it never hurts to show him that you can hold your own weight.  It's always important to be demure, and feminine, but every once in a while, show him what you've got!  You may find he actually likes it!

3. Flirt a little.
Men love to be flirted with.  Maybe it's just a look from across the room. Maybe you rub your shoulder against his back as you walk by.  Whatever it is, it's best to be subtle.  A wink,  a little smile, something to grab his attention.  Once you have been together for a little while, you can be a little less long as it is super sexy....

4. Impress him with your skills.  You, of course, are skilled at something.  It never hurts to show off a little bit.  I have found that once we start talking about pipes and organs.....he is allll mine.

5.  Make some sacrifices.  
This is a challenging one, but if you want a relationship to work, you really do have to put in some effort.  Sometimes, you will fall for a guy who perhaps leads a slightly different lifestyle than yours.  Maybe you are a city girl, and he is a country guy.  Whatever it is, why not give it a shot?  Maybe you will like it more than you think? Maybe????

6. Be submissive to your husband.
 Once you finally catch that big know...the one you had to use a net to reel in, it's time to really commit to making him happy.  There are several ways we woman can do that.  I think that we all know a way to a man's heart is through his stomach.  I have surely found this to be true!!  I have also found that if I prepare my man's meals with a joyful heart and loving attitude, and serve him with pride, he enjoys his meals even more!

7. Accept his flaws.
As we all know, men do not come to us perfect.  They are a work in progress, and it takes MANY years to train them.  While in training, they will have several issues to work through.  Some will be psychological, and fortunately, will not be visible to those on the outside, and  you can work on them in the privacy of your home.  However, some may be a bit more blatant.  We need to do the best we can to remain calm during these trials, and hope for the best.  Eventually, (with a lot of hard work, of course) you will be able to wash away those troubles. (I recommend Pond's cold cream)

8.  Stay strong.
As your relationship progresses, you may notice your husband's eye begins to wander.  There are several things in his life that you may feel begin to take precedence over you, and this will be a challenging time.  Just stay strong.  It is all worth it in the end.

I hope this tutorial proves helpful, and wish you success in all of your fishing expeditions!  Sometimes it takes a lot of patience to catch the "big one".....but I promise, it IS worth the wait.  :)

Happy Wednesday! xo

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