Know Thyself

Saturday, September 20, 2014

This is my first post away from my computer.  I have developed this rather intense love affair/morning ritual with my computer and work space.  I am feeling a bit of animosity from my ipad.  We will see how this goes.

Yesterday, I attended a workshop called "Being Open To Receive"....or something about "receiving".  (Can you tell I was paying very close attention?). Actually, I was.  I just have no idea what it was called.  The presenter was an author and former social worker from Arizona, who has done years of study and practice in goal setting.  So, we figured out the one goal we intend to achieve in 5 weeks time, wrote it down, and then did a bunch of exercises, in an effort to get our goal to "speak to us."

I breathed in.  I breathed out.  I wrote adjectives about what I like and don't like about myself in the "big circle."  I walked around the room in silence, fully using my senses.  I wrote down 5 things I was grateful for since I had woken up that morning.  I did everything asked of me....but apparently, my poor goal was defective.  It was mute.  I plugged my nose and popped my ears....I cranked up my magic hearing box.  Nothing.  It just sat there on the paper, silently.  (I may have heard a little snicker....but I will give it the benefit of the doubt.). 

Quite frankly, goal setting has never been a problem for me.  I have notebooks filled with goals.  In fact, I am looking at a legal pad where I have written a 3 page "Action Plan."  And damn, it's a good one.  I obviously had used some resources when writing it, as I listed 

"Download help: iprocrastinate mobile".

Know Thyself.

Obviously....follow-through is where my difficulties lie.

If only you knew the number of businesses I have created in my mind, and on paper.  For instance, "Lamb's End" (get it? Like Lands End....but the logo would have a fluffy lamb butt on it?!). Anyway.  It would be this fabulous rustic shop (that would of COURSE have a barn behind it with sheep, and
an apple orchard and tree farm, because I would be Martha Stewart (who effortlessly cooks, bakes,
decorates, farms, cleans, travels, gardens, exercises, and has a TV show....all at the same time,) and would deck the place out like crazy in the fall and during the holidays. We would sell hand dyed wool from our sheep (obviously) and would hold workshops on the weekends for 

weavers/knitters/etc.  There  would also be fabulous home decor, locally made goods...you get the picture.  

I dream it.  I just don't do it.  It's a lot like me and dieting.  Every. Single. Week. Of. My. Life....I say: "Ok.  This is the last time we (see how the voice in my head is back to using we?  It is how that little $#%£ works....this is the "we are friends....we get along....I am using my soothing therapist voice...")

This is the last time we are going to:eat a pint of ice cream, scarf down a bag of Doritos, order dessert after finishing the "hungry man platter"....etc).  "Monday, we are getting back on track, and will start eating healthy again."  And I nod in agreement, as my subconscious chuckles (this is a different voice altogether.  Not even a voice so much.  More like a whisper that comes from the depths of my being, where the voice in my head supposedly can't hear it..). Well, I can hear it just fine, because I am pretty sure that quiet voice is actually ME.  Yes, that would be me THINKING "sure, I will go along with this....until Monday actually gets here.  Then I will override your "let's get healthy" plan, and do whatever I want anyway.

Oh, how I know myself.  

It is time to figure out how to banish the power to override.  A plan is in progress....