Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Trimming the Fat

A couple of years ago, my Dr. put me on some new meds for my migraines.
They caused a few strange side effects.
For instance, any carbonated beverage would taste horribly acidic, so I stopped drinking soda (a great side effect!).
They also made my stomach feel a little queasy and upset, and I guess that I didn't eat as much or something...because over the course of a year, I dropped almost 30 lbs. without making any effort whatsoever.
For a woman who has constantly been unhappy with her weight...this was the "Christmas miracle" I had been waiting for my whole life!
I should have known it was too good to be true.
I made the mistake of buying some new cupcake cookbooks last fall, and I turned into a baking fiend.
Apparently my body had adjusted to my new meds, because the weight slowly began to creep back on.
So much for that Christmas miracle.  
Now I was the New Year's Blimp.

I have always had this "spare tire" that I have loathed with every ounce of my being.  Why can't I carry that weight in my butt, like a normal person?  Why, considering I have NO waist anyway...being all of five foot nothing, do I have to carry all of my extra flubber and blubber right in the middle?  
Why can't I be J-Lo?!!!

Well...genetics didn't help.  However, I am doing nothing to help myself either.
Here is the stupid thing:
I say that I hate to work-out, when in reality, I hate the thought of working out.
Once I actually get started, I feel good.  I feel energized.  
Several years ago, I got on a huge work-out kick.  I was on a daily regimen, and I loved it.  I felt so much better than I had in a long time, and I was seeing results.
However, my scale was off.  It was 10 POUNDS, when I went to the Dr. for a check up, and saw that I weighed 10 lbs more than I thought I did, I got mad.  And I just quit.  
Totally stupid, I know....but I am the queen of self-sabatoge when it comes to getting things done around the house or exercise.

I always listen to that rotten little voice in my head that says "just wait until Monday."  Or "Just wait until after the holidays."  I have been waiting 42 years....I think it's probably time to stop waiting and get off my butt and do something.
Another problem is that I get into these cycles.  Currently, I am in a "I could care less what I look like" cycle.  I can't remember the last time I have put any effort into my hair or make-up (or have even worn make-up, for that matter.)  I barely make it out of my pj's to go out in public..and believe me, I have to FORCE myself to do that.  When I am in the "I could care less" mode, exercise doesn't exactly fly to the top of my priority list.
However, when I do have to put on something that doesn't have an elastic waist, it is then that I realize, "Oh crap.  I'm getting fat."

Today, I dug out my "Wheat Belly" cookbook, the "Paleo Diet" cookbook, and the "21 Day Sugar Detox."
All three look horribly tedious and no fun whatsoever.  But, I fear I may be at the point of having to resort to this.  If I am gaining weight on my current diet (which is not much food....however, the caramel apples may have done me in) something has to change.

So, it looks like all of the fun and games at Lakmann-land may soon be coming to an end.  It is time to say adios to my beloved cheetos and the occasional pepsi.  Bring on the air popped pop corn, drizzled with coconut oil.  Mmmmm!
It also looks like it's time to dig out those 362 workout videos from the storage room.  I suppose they will be more beneficial if I actually put them in the DVD player, and give them a go, rather than hide them.
Who knows, maybe I will turn into a fitness guru, and will start writing reviews on workout videos.  All I know is that once I am slim and trim, if I get a gig doing reviews, I am so wearing a leotard, leg warmers and terry cloth headband, ala 80's Olivia Newton John for my bio picture!
I mean, why not?  I plan to wear that everyday for my workout anyway. I will start with food.  I am going to clean out the cupboards, and stock up on vegetables, and whatever else my cookbooks tell me to buy.
If I find any good recipes, I will post them for you.
If anyone has any desire to join me in my "Farwell to Fat" quest, let me know.  We can create a support group, and discuss our days filled with eating cardboard dipped in hummus, while running in place for 90 minutes.
It's going to be GREAT!! :)

Happy Hump Day, my friends. :)

P.S.  Yes, this would have been the perfect day for a political post....but I have no desire for to elevate my blood pressure to dangerous levels. 
Perhaps tomorrow I shall write about "my future: the trials and tribulations of living in a cardboard box."

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