Tuesday, March 28, 2017


Before I start, I just want to thank you for the outpouring of love and support I received after throwing yesterday's post out there for the world to see.  I'm still feeling incredibly anxious about making it public....and I'm sure I will continue to have second thoughts about doing so.  I have been very lucky so far, and have only been met by people who have been most gracious and caring.  I am sure that at some point, my good fortune will turn, and there will be people who will feel the need to take sides, or who will want to offer unsolicited advice that is potentially hurtful.  It is the nature of the beast.  I am prepared for it.  Our story is not simple, and there will always be those who enjoy a hot mess to sink their teeth into. 🤓 I am always good at providing a hot mess. 🙄
On to today.
I am currently freezing.  I'm debating whether to turn on the fireplace or hop in the tub.  I could turn the heat up, but that would be against my better judgement.  I like to keep the thermostat at a brisk 64 degrees in the winter.  That keeps the heating bill from getting too out of control. (Although I make up for it with all the gas I use for the damn fireplace. 🙄) I have chosen option number three: a blanket with a chihuahua heating pad.  It's a win win for both me and the dog. :)

This morning I had to take my sweet Rosie to the vet.  Most of you know who Rosie is by now....the new love of my life...my beautiful golden-doodle. I laughed when I came back here to start writing again yesterday, because the cover photo that has been on my blog page for the past two years was one I found on Pinterest....of a golden doodle laying on a pillow.  I guess I had been dreaming of her way back then, because it looked exactly like Rosie.
It was past time to get my sweet girl spayed.  In fact, she wasn't going to be allowed to go to doggie daycare anymore until she had her "procedure."  I guess they frown upon dogs getting knocked up during playtime.  I suppose the paternity tests can get out of hand with that many options. 😳
She isn't a huge fan of riding in the car (seriously, I think she is my biological child.) so she started to cry on the way there.  I tried to reach back to her to comfort her, but she was too far away, so then I started to cry as well.  We were both a hot mess by the time we arrived.  Not to mention the fact that  we had to be there WAY before our normal "we are presentable to be seen in public" hour.  (We both still had bed head....sorry, but we girls don't get pretty before noon these days.)
In her regular Rosie style, she made the rounds, and gave everyone a hug once we got settled.  She even managed to sneak a kiss to the cute little pug we passed on the way in.  I think what I love most about her is how she always comes up to me, nose to nose, and looks into my eyes, so we can "talk" about things.  She does this when she is happy, or nervous, or excited, or sad.  Then we hug, and I usually get some kisses too.  I have never felt such a connection with a dog before....and she truly came into my life when I needed her the most. ❤️
So, now I wait....an anxious mama, to hear if her surgery went ok, and when I can pick her up.  The thought of anything bad happening to her scares me to death.  I think it would put me over the edge.

I worry a lot these days.  There are a lot more things to worry about now.  Sometimes, I feel like I am
frozen.....like I can't move forward, because I don't even know where to begin.  Overwhelmed doesn't
even begin to cover it.  I never used to worry too much about things....always feeling confident that it would all just "work itself out."  It usually did....but I sure wish I had been smarter about planning for the future. I seemed to have this 50's mentality that I would always have a "husband to provide for
me" so now that I am facing it alone, it's terrifying.  Suddenly I will be moving from my lovely home into a van by the river (hopefully not....but I really don't have any idea where I will live) 😬  and trying to make up for having worked part time to be home with the kids.  OMG, why didn't I take the whole "you really need to save for retirement" more seriously?!!  And why didn't I pick a lucrative career?!
My friend Reese asked me what I did for a living a couple days ago.  (He is five.). I told him I teach piano lessons.  He shook his head, looked exasperated, and said "no, no, no....that is just TERRIBLE!  You really need to find a better job."  I almost fell off my chair laughing.  This was after he went through my wallet and counted up my cash.  $20.00.  A lot more than is usually in there.  He declared how much I had, and I said I was surprised and happy with that amount.  He shook his head again, gave me that "you really need to get your shit together, lady" look that only this kid can muster soooooo perfectly, and said "ummm, my mom and dad usually have a couple HUNDRED bucks."  CLEARLY, I need to spend more time with him, so he get help me get my act together!! 😂
As far as my lack of sufficient retirement funds, I figure, as long as I don't go blind, or lose any fingers, I can keep working at church until I'm 90, right? 🤔😉

By the way, this post has taken me about 12 hours to write, because I get a paragraph down, and have to go run somewhere, or teach a lesson, or whatever.  So, Rosie is now home.  Her surgery went well.
Wearing the giant cone on her head did not.  First, she was pissed, then so sad, then humiliated.
During the "sad" phase, I sat on the floor with her, my head inside her cone, petting her, and crying my eyes out, because she looked so miserable.  My poor little piano student walked in on me having my break-down....which then turned in the "humiliation" phase, as Rosie walked over to the corner by the door, pressed her cone against the wall, and just stood there, like a three year old refusing to come out of a time out and look at anyone.  I finally took the damn thing off her during lesson number two, when I just could stand it no longer.  Afterward, she proceeded to jump on my (white slip covered) couch and throw up all over it.  10 minutes later, she walked over to the brand new, cushy dog bed I bought her today, and threw up all over that.  She didn't want to miss anything, so she puked all over her old dog bed as well.  Luckily it was mostly water....but I'm ready for this day to end.
I can't wait to see what kind of excitement tomorrow holds. 😉

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