Sunday, November 16, 2014
I have been thinking a lot lately about how we change as adults.
I mean, we all change constantly throughout childhood...this is obvious.
We go through the typical stages. Infancy, toddler-hood (is that even a word?) the "kid" years (I think I may have just made that stage up) the teen years (thank you God for only making us do that once) and then we hit our 20's. This is the time when we get to have a lot of fun, but are also supposed to be figuring out what the heck we want to do with our lives.
I'm trying to figure out who came up with that combination.
Then, we move into our 30's. I guess this is the time when we are supposed to get our shit together, right? By now, we have most likely chosen a career, perhaps started a family, purchased a house, become somewhat established.
I will admit, I kind of miss my 30's. I felt young enough to still feel semi "cool," (aka: I hadn't reached cougar status yet.) I was done having kids, and enjoying the fact that mine were finally in school, and the days of daycare were over.
I still wasn't totally sure what I wanted to do with my life...but I was doing something....and was happy with my choices for the time being.
Yeah...the 30's were good.
Now that I have settled into my 40's...I realize how much I have changed over the past couple of years.
I'm not sure if it is because I am "in my 40's" or if I have just switched over into a different way of thinking...or if I am just plain old. ;)
Whatever it is...I kind of like it.
For your reading pleasure, I will share with you a list of some items that have become very evident to me over the last year or two.
1. No more "flying by the seat of my pants."
I have forever been the queen of "winging it." Why prepare when you can just do it on the fly? I will admit, I'm a pretty cool cucumber when things are thrown my way at the last second. However, I no longer choose to do things that way. I have gone the way of the boy scout. Now I want to be prepared.
Like, ridiculously prepared. I want every detail meticulously gone over so when it's show time, I don't have to worry about anything going amiss. (I use a performance reference....but I do mean this in all areas of my life, but yes, most definitely when it comes to musical endeavors.)
Today I had to play for a wedding. (No biggie...I do them all the time.) Except, the bride's mom talked her into having the processional played on the organ. Ugh. I enjoy playing this most unforgiving, bombastic instrument, but only if it is a GOOD organ, and if I have had time to acclimate myself to the instrument. I had never played this particular organ before...so it was stressing me out. A LOT. Lexie was playing cello, and when we got there, we realized the organ was 1/2 step sharp...and had very little to offer in regards to decent sounding stops. It was painful.
I did a funeral a few days ago on a different, unfamiliar organ. There is nothing quite like sitting on that bench, hoping that the settings you have chosen will sound okay, and not blow out any eardrums when you play the first chord.
I mean, it's not like I'm going to dink around on the thing while the visitation is going on...so it's a crap shoot. I have no idea what will come out of those pipes until I play the first note of the opening hymn.
Let's just say I was cringing a bit for hymn #1.
I worked out the kinks for the second one, thank God.
I have decided that from now on, if asked if I know how to play that wooden box of death, my reply will be a hearty NO!
2. No more drama.
Ugh...seriously. Who needs it? I think I used to actually enjoy drama in my life. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!
(This, of course, was years ago...but still!)
This also involves no more playing the victim.
I used to fall into the "woe is me" role, and blame everyone else for my problems, my sadness, my this, my that.
That is such crap.
I finally grew up, and just faced my issues head on, took ownership of them, and dealt with them.
It's so easy to blame other people for your unhappiness. To whine about how someone has wronged you, or hurt you, or ruined your life.
Yes, being hurt by someone sucks.
So, if someone does that to you, why on earth would you give them all that power, and allow to continue hurting you?
They aren't feeling any pain while you spend your days pining about how miserable they made you.....but you are!
Nope. All done with that silliness.
3. I love being at home.
I used to get stir crazy, and feel like I was missing something if I wasn't out and about. I also felt like I needed to have an active social life or my spirit would just start to die.
That just sounds exhausting to me now.
These days, I would describe heaven as being in my pj's, snuggled up on the couch with my dogs and the remote (and I guess Mark can join us if he wants to) by 7pm.
4. I used to want trendy and fun....now I just want practical.
I traded in my VW Jetta for a Subaru Forrester. My first thought was "I am pretty sure I just went from hipster to hippie." lol Not really. But I did think "I am buying a true "mom" car. And guess what...I LOVE THIS CAR! I feel safe, and comfortable, and I like that I look like a "practical woman who drives a car that handles really stinkin' well in the snow."
This extends to all areas of my life. My clothes...once trendy...now, just comfortable. I actually just ordered a winter coat online. Yes, I was too lazy to drive (literally) across the highway to the mall and try some on. The one I purchased is not stylish or fancy....in fact, I will probably look like the abominable snow man in it, because it is long, fluffy, and warm. (and white)
Style magazines have been replaced by Cooking Light, and those 534 pairs of platform sandals/boots/etc.....well, they sit neglected in my closet, while I wear the three pairs of shoes I own that are flat, because dammit, they are so much more comfortable.
5. I need sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.
Okay, this is not something new.
I am just completely aware of it, and not afraid to say "no" to things that will interfere with it.
And, as I write this, I feel myself fading fast.
To top it off, my mom is with us this weekend....which means my Sunday morning will be more chaotic than usual.
And, quite frankly, this post is even boring me to tears, so for the benefit of all of us, I shall close for today.
My point, in this somewhat pointless post is this: As I go through each stage of life, I find that I am getting a better handle on things, and although I'm not quite sure how I feel about getting older....I am quite sure that I really like where I'm at. :)