Saturday, December 6, 2014

Left in the Dark

I have been noticing some things my family does quite frequently that I find a bit curious.  
It drives my husband nuts if I am playing the piano or cooking and I don't have the lights on.  You know how it is in the afternoon, as the sun starts to go down, and it's still light enough to see just fine...but it's getting gradually darker?  Well, if I have started doing something in the late afternoon while the sun is still out, chances are I am still doing it when it's starting to fade.
He will come in the room, turn all the lights on and say "How can you stand to work in the dark?!  You make me crazy when you do this!"
I felt the need to share that with you, only because of what he has been doing lately.
He obviously gets up a few hours earlier than I it's no surprise that he is ready to crash earlier in the evening than I am.
For instance, tonight, he went to bed, and I am just starting to write.
Now, if I were going to bed, and someone else in the family was going to stay up for awhile, I would just leave the house as is, and go to my room.
That is never the case here.
Between my husband and my son, they shut off every single light in the house, and leave me sitting here in total darkness, with the exception of the computer screen.
Does that seem odd to you?
It seems really strange to me.  
Who does that?
I have noticed that Mark has started to turn all the lights off whenever he is leaving the room to go do something else too.  This would be fine (I think saving energy is good!) but it is rather annoying when we are still sitting in the room...and would appreciate a little light.
And stranger still, considering this is the man who goes nuts over me not having enough light when I cook or practice piano.
Is he too wrapped up in thought to notice there are still people in the room?
Does he perhaps think we were blessed with night vision?
Does he feel we are not worthy of light?
These are the questions I ponder when I should be doing something else.
I have given up trying to understand.
My cell phone has a flashlight on it.
I use it.  A lot.
If that fails...I will just have to rely on my sparkly personality.
That has disaster written all over it.

So, today marks the beginning of "CRAZY" for me.
As in...."My life will now be super crazy until Christmas."
It's unfortunate that I have been semi-crazy up to this point, because what I haven't accomplished yet is even less likely to get accomplished now.
For instance...Christmas shopping.
I have yet to purchase a single item.
Actually, I have yet to even think about what I should purchase.
To be completely honest...I still have Halloween decorations on my front stoop.
And my pots of summer flowers.
They aren't doing very well, I'm afraid.
Speaking of not doing very well....let's take a brief moment to talk about that whole "can't blame the thyroid" weight gaining disaster, and such.
I have a big problem with my "all or nothing" attitude.
Right now....considering my dismay over the number on my scale, and the fact that I can't blame the increasing number on any medical reason....I have taken on the ever popular "well, screw it then!" attitude.
This is never a good place to be.
It isn't pretty....and in the end, it will just get me that much farther away from a "happy number" on my scale.
(This I type, as I eat one of those damn candy bars Mark brought home.  At 11:30 pm....because I'm sure I will burn those calories off when I go to SLEEP!)

Hopefully, some neurons will crash into each other during the night, and I will awake refreshed, renewed, and ready to take on the world....without the assistance of chocolate and any of the other crap I can pretend isn't going to turn me into a pre-diabetic elephant.

Until then, I have already decided I am going to shop in the maternity department.  Why subject myself to the horrors of shopping in the regular women's section, when I know that I will come home depressed, and hating myself.  And how will I deal with those feelings?  
By raiding that damn box of candy bars.
I forgot about this.
The other day I had another involved my battle with the bulge.
I think one of the issues may be the fact that I do so much of my work from home.  When I am here, I ALWAYS am wearing something comfortable. In other words, everything I wear has an elastic waist.  Jogging pants, pj pants, etc....everything is big and oversized.  If I'm not wearing my jeans on a regular basis, I'm not going to notice a gradual change as weight creeps on.  Instead, what happens is that when I finally get around to having a reason to look semi-human, and I attempt to squeeze into those cute jeans that fit just great during my "year of spectacular and skinny"....well...let's just say, if I had a lyposuction machine in my closet, I would soooooo put it to good use.

Okay.  Enough with this pathetic pity party.
The bottom line is....I need to address this, or live with it.
But, for now, I will just sleep on it.
Maybe if I'm really lucky, my metabolism will magically turn back on while I slumber, and life can begin anew.
Let's go with that scenario.
Tomorrow....there shall be no talk of flab or flubber.
Maybe I will even write something of substance.
If we are lucky. 

Welcome to the weekend!

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