Silent Night

Happy Christmas Eve!

Can you believe it's already here?

I am hoping we get some more snow today.

It finally started to feel (and look!) like Christmas yesterday when we finally had white falling from the sky.

I hadn't realized how much I look forward to the snow.

I don't think I would do well in a climate that never had winter.

Even though the cold begins to feel like it will never end once March rolls around....you just can't replace the magic of each season.

~

I have made a decision that no matter what comes my way today....I refuse to get worked up or stressed about it.

I am just going to enjoy it.  

I feel pretty well prepared for all things musical....so everything should go off without a hitch.

Last night, I spent a couple of hours with my daughter, and two close friends, rehearsing for one of tonight's Masses.

There were a couple of pieces that everyone had ahead of time, and we just needed to put them together.

I decided that we needed some more material, so I threw another 4-5 pieces at them...including Pentatonix's arrangement of "Mary Did You Know."

(Well....my arrangement of their arrangement...now written for four women.)

Because why not learn a crazy, accapella piece the day before you have to 

"perform" it, right?

As insane as all of it was.....I have to tell you....it was also soul food.

It's one thing to work on something by yourself, or to start to put something together with a couple people, but once you have the whole group together, and things start to meld....it is magical.

And it is exactly what I needed to fill that stressed out, stretched-too-thin, running on empty wasteland that has been plaguing me for the past few weeks.

~

I did miss out on seeing my friends last night.

It was our annual "Diva Christmas Party."

I could have gone...and probably should have gone...but I chose to stay in.

I was exhausted from working on music until 2am the night before, and I still had music binders to put together, and other work that needed to get done last night...because it would have really stressed me out if I had to scramble to do it in the morning.

I felt bad....like I was a big loser for not going.

But then I took a moment, and realized that although it would have been great to catch up with everyone....I really needed to do what was best for me right now.  Even if it felt selfish.  

Christmas Eve is one of the biggest "events" of the year, as far as my job goes...so I need to be on top of my game.  There is nothing worse than feeling like I'm not prepared or organized.  Or feeling completely exhausted.

So, I allowed myself to put my needs first...and get what I needed to do taken care of, so I could feel good about today.

 And, honestly....it was the first time I have been able to sit on the couch and work (rather than running around, or hunching over a table) in the past two weeks.  My achey back was very grateful.

~

I have been doing a pretty good job of feeling sorry for myself this entire month.  Whining over how busy I am, and playing the "woe is me" game.

Yesterday morning, Mark took his car in to have it looked at, because it's been making this awful noise.

They called back to let him know the wheel bearing (sp?) needed to be replaced...for $800.

Then, they called again to say they were going to have to break some other part to get at it, which, (after replacing the part they would break) would increase the bill to $1200.

You may recall we JUST got both of our cars back from the body shop last week.

So...the outside of both vehicles look amazing.  (To the tune of $1000 in insurance deductibles.)  

Well, they didn't end up breaking whatever they thought they were going to break...so we only had to spend $900.

However, $1900 in two weeks on a teacher/church lady salary the week of Christmas = bah humbug! 

~

I continued with my pity party after this news.  Poor me...literally!

Then, I received a call....from my dear friend Pastor Melinda.

She and I did a wedding together three years ago for an adorable couple.

This past weekend, they were in a car accident, and the bride was killed.

She was only 27 years old.  Her husband was injured, but survived.

The family had asked if we take care of the funeral service/music for them.

Suddenly....everything I had been worrying/whining/woe-ing about came to a complete halt.

They had just hit a patch of ice, and their world changed forever.

That is how quickly life can change....or end.

Why on earth am I worrying about whether or not my presents are wrapped? (they are not.)

Who cares if I'm less than organized for all of the upcoming services?  They will happen whether I am ready or not.

Sure, these car bills suck...but I HAVE a car, and my family is safe...and luckily, I had some extra jobs this month that will help pay for these unexpected expenses.

I have NOTHING to complain about.

~

I just sat at the table and sobbed.

I had only known this couple briefly....but the thoughts of what the husband must be going through, along with her family and loved ones....it just breaks my heart.

The older I get, the more I realize that I am not invincible.

I will not be here forever....so I better darn well use this time I have wisely, and enjoy it too!

~

This is one reason I love the start of a new year.

I love a fresh, new beginning.

A time to just start over.

I am going to use this next week to really think about some changes I want to make in the new year.

I'm excited to shake things up a little bit. 

~

But, for today....I am going to relish each moment.

Cherish all of the little things that might otherwise go unnoticed.

Make an effort to reach out to that person who seems lonely.

Be extra patient with the person who is obviously overwhelmed, and could probably use a kind word, and maybe a little help.

Be nice to the cranky shopper who could learn what a difference being kind makes....by watching you.

And most of all....even if they are driving you crazy (not that I have any experience with this) make sure your family and loved ones know how much they mean to you.

Sometimes, the smallest gestures can make the biggest impressions.

~

I wish you all a magical and wonderful Christmas Eve!!

Cheesecake and Shenanigans

Well, I see that no one has volunteered to slow down OR stop time for me.

You are not being particularly helpful, people.

~

I had hoped to be amazing today.

In some respects, I guess I was.

I mean, I didn't take a nap.

I DID take a shower.

I went out in public, and no one stared awkwardly...so I must have looked presentable.

But, as seems to be the case every single darn day, I am now sitting here....it's 7:30 pm, and I'm wondering what the heck I accomplished.

I mean, I DID spend the whole day doing stuff.

But, to look around the house, one would never know it.

~

So, I think I will take this Tuesday as another opportunity to offer up

'what I know for sure.'

1.  I planned ahead, and decided what I was having for dinner during our church staff lunch at Ciatti's today.  I find it is always wise to plan ahead.

I decided to just go ahead an order my dinner to go, so I wouldn't have the burden of having to cook later on, especially considering how much I have to get done in the next 48 hours.

I had my vegetables, protein and grains for lunch, so I will be having my fruit and dairy for dinner.

(That's cheesecake, if you can't really tell, under all that raspberry sauce.)

With a bottle of grapes.

2. Getting organized, and filing stuff is not a quick task.

I have been plugging away at this job for the past three days.

I now have all of the music that was stacked on the large table in the middle of my piano room filed.

I have absolutely no idea where to put the boxes they are filed in, however.

Oh, and I may never be able to stand up straight again.

Hunching over for hours at a time is a really dumb thing to do.

3.  I got most of my Christmas cards addressed today.  Of course, the mailman got here before I was ready, so I ended up schlepping all the way to the post office.  I decided to be super smart this year, and take a picture of them, so when I think to myself "Oh crap...did I remember to send uncle Charlie a card?!" I can just refer to my handy dandy photo, and find out!

Do you notice what is missing on these envelopes?

(Other than stamps)

Those stupid address labels.

Have you ever tried to use a stamper thingy on an envelope that has a way too thick Christmas letter in it?

Well, it doesn't work well.

And, of course, it wouldn't have occurred to me to stamp them before filling them.

~

Do you remember what I said about those darn address labels?

Well....it happened.

After I had stamped all but two, I was digging around in my desk drawers looking for something else, and guess what I found!

And yes, I HAD looked in that drawer for them.

I just hadn't looked hard enough.

They were under stuff.

It never fails.

Ugh.

4.  Do you own this CD yet?

Of course, you have heard of them...right?  They are all over Facebook, and everywhere else.

This is my favorite Christmas CD.

I have two.

One for the house and one for the car.

And yes, I'm old school.

I don't just buy it on iTunes, and put it on my phone or my iPod, or my i-don't-know-what-to-do-with-this-little-electronic-contraption-thingy.

I like CD's.

They have covers....that you can read.

With pictures.

Very educational.

~

I have already picked out the outfit I'm going to wear on the cover of my Christmas CD....which will be released in 2060.

I will probably look super smashing.

I will wear red lipstick, and no one will ever be able to guess my age.

~

My cheesecake is calling, and there is much music to be written before three bells tomorrow.

At some point, I should wrap some presents too.

Mark and Sam went to the mall tonight to get me a gift.  I can not wait to see what those two came up with.

It was especially entertaining when they came home, and Sam tried to get me engrossed in conversation so Mark could sneak whatever it was downstairs.

They are the definition of subtle.

~

Have a terrific Tuesday!!

(By the way....it is now 1:35 am....I have finally finished arranging and transcribing my music.  That only took 6.5 hours.

The good news is...it is officially Tuesday, so I will just post this little ditty now, and check one thing off my to-do list for tomorrow...well, today.

Or whatever now is.)

:)

Winter Wonderland

And finally.......

A Christmas miracle.

Two, actually.

1. My in-laws apparently are NOT coming for Christmas anymore.

(We will be seeing them the day after Christmas anyway....so I'm not sure why this was even a potential plan??  Wait a minute...when I was attempting to put the long, curly willow branches I bought in the car on Saturday, my husband said to me "You know, sometimes it is really fun to just sit and watch you struggle." (I guess I do this often?) Maybe he told me they were coming so he could watch me have a complete melt-down....because that's fun...hmmm..)

2.  I have officially created Winter Wonderland.

(and I should mention that I was typing in green until I wrote "Winter Wonderland"...and realized that the two just could not work together...so I have switched over to blue.  And I suddenly have "Let It Go....Let It Go...." playing in my head.

Weird.

Must be the blue.

Which makes me think of ice.

Which makes me think of frozen things.

Which makes me think of Frozen.

You following me here?

~

Back to my wonderland.

~

So....this was yesterday.  Remember?  Tree in the middle of the room.

I like it better over here. :)

Up close. Only silver and turquoise were allowed this year.  

With a tiny splash of red. (See the little cardinal?)

I bought myself an early Christmas present.  I have been wanting one of these faux sheepskin throws forEVER.  It makes my couch extra snuggly.

Isn't it all warm and cozy and magical?

Well....I could sit here and let you believe that my whole house is a Christmas haven...and I'm tempted to do just that, but you know I am gonna tell it like it is.

Maybe you should take another look at the nice pictures before you read on.

I'll wait.

Okay.  

If only I had one of those room divider thingys like they have in gyms and churches.  I could just pull that closed, and shut myself in my little cocoon of clean and tidy.

But, sadly...here is my reality.

Beyond Christmas Happy Land...is the Land of No Return.

Good Lord. 

Maybe I will just take a match to it, and call it a day.

Why on earth did I buy an "open concept" house?!

I miss having lots of rooms...rooms that are good at hiding all the crap I don't know what to do with.

This house is like one big dumping ground.

You walk in the front door, and my entire, completely unorganized, slobby mess of a life is on display for all to see (and judge and criticize behind my back.)

I'm sure the only people who judge my mess are perfectly perfect, and have every right to tsk, and shake their heads at my poor housekeeping skills.

I bet I could totally beat them at foosball though.

Take that, Miss Perfectly Perfect!! 

~

So, I figure I have a day to make the rest of my house look lovely, arrange a couple pieces of music, put binders together for the Christmas craziness I have to play for, actually finalize what exactly it is I am going to play for that craziness, get groceries, do laundry, finish Christmas shopping, and wrap everything.

That shouldn't be a problem.

Maybe if I just drink wine the entire time I am doing all this stuff, I will actually think I am getting it all done.

~

Have you ever noticed that "Do You Hear What I Hear" sounds an awful lot like "We Are the World"  (during the "a child...a child, sleeping in the night, he will bring us goodness and light..." part.  It sounds just like "there are people dying"...and whatever the words are after that.)

I mention this, because I am listening to Jim Brickman's Christmas CD, and was thinking to myself "Why the hell is "We Are the World" on here?"

Then I realized what it really was.

Now we all know.

Aren't you glad you have me to figure these things out for us?

~

I played for the choir concert at Logan High School today.

The Freshman girls sang a piece called something like "Listen As the Snowflakes Fall."

It had a phrase that was exactly the same melody as the beginning of "On Broadway."  'They say the neon lights are bright...on Broadway..."

Remember that old gem?

Well, that was all I could think about whenever I played it.

I even had a dream about it last night.

I was guffawing with some old coots from church about how silly it was.

Yes.  This is what my life has come to.

I dream about gabbing with old men about dumb songs.

I need a hobby or something.

~

However, before I find one of those (hobbies) I need to keep plugging away at my war zone.

Maybe I will even be able to post pics of another pretty space tomorrow. Hopefully it will be more than the coat closet, or the kitchen table top. Although, at this point...I would actually be happy with either of those!

Oh, and if anyone knows how to slow down time...or actually bring it to a complete halt....I could use about three extra days before Christmas.

That would be great.

Thanks.

Wishing you a melt-down free Monday.

:))

O Christmas Tree

OK.

We have established that I have reached "break-down" mode.

It is now public knowledge that if anything else is piled on my "plate" I will not be held responsible for my behavior or reaction to any request made of me.

I think it has been implied that any financial issues I may be creating for myself will be dealt with after the first of the year.

Until then, we will simply smile, and carry on.

~

Today, I woke up, and refused to let the color "blue" enter my aura.

Oh no....I was going to have a day filled with yellows and pinks.

It was going to be happy, happy, happy!

I took a nice bubble bath...put on my Fergalicious boots...had a cookie for breakfast, and was on my way!

Oh, and I even painted my nails a festive shade of red!

Off I went to a Christmas piano recital.  (A couple of my students were playing.)

I was smiling, enjoying a Christmas CD in my car...when a text came in.

I pulled into the parking lot, and decided to check my phone quick before going into the recital hall.

It was from Mark:  "Oh....I told you my parent's were coming for Christmas...right?

(Cue: Commercial break.

Meditative breathing...Ommmm....

It's a good thing I have a box of kleenex in the car.

Because the damn weeping began....again.

I have to be honest with you.  I LOVE our quiet Christmases with just the four of us.  No pressure, no need to engage in conversation for hours when you just want to veg out, NO STRESS.

Dammit.

~

After the recital, one of the other teachers and I were talking.

He asked if I was all ready for Christmas.

I gave him 'the look,' and filled him in on my exciting Christmas news.

Before I left, he said "try not to kill your husband before Christmas."

I gave him 'the look' again.

He then said...."oh, right.  Well, try to stay out of prison then."

I stopped, and pondered.

Prison.

I would guess they might have WIFI?

If I was allowed my phone and computer...and had my own room.....

I look good in orange....as long as the stripes are horizontal.  An hour outside...I could exercise and lose some weight.

This sounds GREAT!!

And then he planted a brilliant little seed.

He laughed, and said 'I can see it now...."Stripes" the musical."

Right?!!  Oh...the dance numbers.  And the heart wrenching ballads.

This show is going straight to Broadway.

~

In other news, we finally got a tree.

We decided not to get our typical 100 foot monster.

No...this year we went to some strange little lot where you put your money in a lock box.  I wonder how many people rip the poor guy off.

I will admit, I was a teeny bit tempted to pay a little less than the sticker price...since our tree is FAR from "freshly cut."  But, then I thought..."this guy is trying to make a living too....so I will pay him full price for my sad little tree."

It felt good. :)

Of course, we have no where to actually put the darn thing...so for now, it is literally standing in the middle of the living room.

I guess I will be rearranging furniture after church tonight.

Just what I was hoping to do! :-/

See....my house looks almost exactly like the picture I shared with you the other day.

Yep...almost there!  I just need to paint my walls white. 

That should do it.

Oh....and rent a bulldozer to get the rest of the crap out of there.

THEN we will be in business.

I guess my tree kind of looks similar?

They are both a little wonky and cute.

Eh...I have a couple days.  I'm SURE my house will be magazine worthy in no time. (she says with a snort.)

Well...that furniture is not going to move itself...and Lord knows that stupid tree will stay right in the middle of the room until all the needles fall off if I don't move things now.

I know you will be waiting with bated breath for pictures of my winter wonderland.

Just don't hold your breath....it would be a sad Christmas for your family, and I am not a miracle worker.

~

Oh....I still haven't found those stupid return address labels.

Grrrr.

Happy Sunday!

Puppies and Prozac

I believe I can name Friday, December 19th as my

official "holiday meltdown day."

You know...one of those days when you wake up, teetering on the edge of sanity, just waiting for something to push you over.

By 9am, I was taking a nose dive.

Everything was making me weepy.

I would get a text, and rather than just take it at face value, I would analyze every word, and read way too much into it.

And start to weep again.

It was completely ridiculous.

So, I did what any inconsolable woman would do.

I went to Target.

I figured that I might be more motivated to file those piles of music that have been cluttering up my house for the past month if I bought some cute little file boxes to put them in.

Not that I like cute office supplies or anything.

I got a start on it....but I am far from finished.  

Cute boxes though, right?

I now need to figure out where to store the cute boxes once I get them all filled.

As you can see, my music cabinet is almost at capacity.

What I really need is Sam's room.

I don't understand why the kid is being so selfish, and keeping it all to himself, rather than letting his poor mother have it, so I can finally have a cool office.

~

Anyway, I spent a good hour moping around Target, looking at lots of things I didn't need.  I'm kicking myself for not picking up some fun snacks.  I would be enjoying them right about now had I been thinking straight.

The only thing I have here to snack on is a bag of cough drops. 

Yum.

~

After my shopping ordeal, I came home and decided to start getting some Christmas cards/letters ready to send out.

(They finally arrived yesterday from the print shop.)

I got the first batch addressed and stamped...all I needed was those cute return address labels I had ordered last year, but never used.

Here is some advice I would like to share.

If you ever decide to turn your little office into a second laundry room....and in the process, empty out the desk that was in there to give to your daughter, make sure to keep track of all of the drawer contents.

There really is nothing quite as frustrating as knowing exactly where something is located....and going to get it...only to realize that that piece of furniture is no longer there.

I spent the next 45 minutes searching every logical (and illogical) place I could have possibly put the darn things...to no avail.

I am sure I will find them 5 minutes after the last card is sent out.

~

I had to run to a rehearsal (after my fruitless search) and on my way back home, I decided to try to find the UPS building in the industrial park, so I could drop off a pair of boots I needed to return.  I drove in circles for awhile, and finally located the darn place.  (The industrial park is a strange and confusing area.  And not very aesthetically pleasing.)  I was so happy I wouldn't have to schlep all the way downtown to send this package out.  However, once I made it to the door, I realized the hours of operation that were posted.  10-11:30 am.  4:30-6pm.  It was 2:00.

Wow.  Very accommodating. Ugh.

So, I drove around and found the "drop box."

Which told me my package was too large.

(My husband likes me to tell him that too.  And that is the only humor you are getting from me today.) ;)

I still have those damn boots in my car.

~

I was still feeling blue, and now I was also feeling tired.

I decided a nap was in order.

I got home, changed into comfy clothes, and set my alarm.

I had just hoisted the dogs up onto the bed, when my phone rang.

"Mom...can you pick us up at school?"

I will not share my reply with you....because it does not fall within my PG rating parameters.

I will say that I was not thrilled.

The kids had told me they were going to a theater party thing of some sort after school.  I was SO looking forward to an hour of quiet.

So much for that.

I got the dogs in the car, and we headed out.

(We cried some "I feel sorry for myself" tears on the way.)

Cooper was sitting in the passenger seat.  He is having the same metabolism problems I have been dealing with. (aka: we are both getting fat.)

The seat belt sensor kept beeping, because he was heavy enough to register as a person sitting on the seat.

I buckled Mr. Chunky in, and all was well.

~

Luckily, the day was salvaged by an evening music rehearsal with a girlfriend.  We did some singing, and lots of talking.

Now, I have a quiet house, a chilled bottle of wine in the fridge, and lots of shows on my DVR to choose from.

I think we might even get a Christmas tree tomorrow.

Mark said he is going to do some shopping tomorrow...so I think I will put this on my list.

If anything can take away the winter blues...I am thinking this little guy can.

A puppy with a side of prozac.

That would be the Christmas of my dreams! 

~

I won't hold my breath.

But....I WILL strive for a better day tomorrow.

(And there is an extra bottle of wine....if it comes to that.)

Have a super Saturday!

Running on Empty

So, here is the deal.

We are one week away from Christmas.  Actually...6 days, to be exact.

We still don't have a tree.

My son brought that fact up in conversation last night.

I said "at this point, is it really worth going through the trouble of getting one?

We will just have to take it down in a week or two."

His reply: "MOM! This isn't a decision we need to make.  Getting a tree is a NECESSITY!  I don't even care if it's fake....but we ARE getting a tree!"

Well, okay then.  I guess we are getting a tree.

Where on earth we will put it, well, that is a conversation for another day.

~

Here is my issue.

This is currently what my house looks like.

A complete disaster area. 

Piles of music everywhere. (I am STILL working on final details for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  Not to mention the 4 bazillion other pieces that just need to be filed.)

Then, let's just take all of the stuff we bring into the house (boxes that arrive, gift wrapping supplies, mail, whatever) and pile it on TOP of the piles that were already there...waiting to be dealt with.

If there is a flat surface in this place, you can be sure it is currently covered in crap.

This is doing NOTHING to help my level of stress and anxiety, by the way.

~

What I need is for my house to look like this:

Obviously, the only answer is for me to move.

I need to go out and find a cool studio apartment (just for me) where I can house all of my favorite things, and NOTHING else.

Clean, clutter free, and calm.

Oh, and kick-ass!

Dear Santa,

I want THAT!!! 

~

And, of course, this:

But you already knew that.

I am just reminding you. ;)

~

What I know for sure is that I need a WHOLE day to just get caught up.

Next Monday is looking like it might be the only possibility....but that is cutting it pretty darn close.

I am, however, going to do everything in my power to keep that day as obligation free as possible.

(So...if you suddenly feel the need to call me over to paint your bathroom walls or something crazy and spontaneous like that....I highly suggest you don't do it on Monday.  I might not be very friendly that day.)

Speaking of....I have SO noticed this bitchy little monster trying to take over my entire being lately.

I can really tell when I am just not having it with people these days.

I have especially noticed it in situations where I have had a lot of things to get done, and am trying to accommodate others, but they are obviously not putting any effort into what they are doing.  (In other words...they were just wasting my time.)  This, of course, is annoying anytime...but when you have a gazillion things to get done and only small pockets of time to do them in....every second counts.  

I was reminded why I do not teach anymore several times in the last couple of weeks.  Being forced to manage a classroom of kids when I am stressed, and have tons to do just makes me crazy.  

Perhaps I have an unrealistic idea of how a kid should be able to manage their own behavior, and control themselves...but I'm pretty sure my expectations are not above what your average child can handle.

The fact that the "average child" rarely chooses to control themselves, and maintain what I could consider acceptable behavior at all times is what drove me nuts.  (And yes, to me "acceptable behavior" meant "sit down, shut up, and do what you are supposed to do without having to be asked twice.")

Funny how difficult this was for most kids. 

Put them in a group....and their I.Q. levels plummet dramatically.

~

So...now I teach them individually. Usually, this is a much more enjoyable scenario.  However, there are still days when I wonder if my patience will run out.  Typically....I rather surprise myself with the level of calm endurance I have when it comes to dealing with situations that might drive your average human completely insane.

Then, I remember who I live with, and I realize that I have been practicing the art of temperance and restraint everyday for the past 19 years.

Or, I could go a step further, and just take it all the way back to day one, and say I have had 42 long years of practice.

No wonder I am so damn tolerant.

I have lived in crazy-land since the day I was born.

I can handle anything.

But when I am tired, hungry, and stressed out....my fuse is much shorter.

~

Which brings us back to now.

So, I am going to grab a bottle of wine, throw on some pj's and crawl into bed.

Maybe when I wake up the cleaning fairies will have stopped by and my house will be lovely once again.

Maybe I should drink some more wine.

I find if I just close the door....I can pretend everything on the other side is perfectly pristine.

And that is what I am going to do right now.

Have a lovely Friday!