Friday, December 19, 2014

Running on Empty

So, here is the deal.
We are one week away from Christmas.  Actually...6 days, to be exact.
We still don't have a tree.
My son brought that fact up in conversation last night.
I said "at this point, is it really worth going through the trouble of getting one?
We will just have to take it down in a week or two."
His reply: "MOM! This isn't a decision we need to make.  Getting a tree is a NECESSITY!  I don't even care if it's fake....but we ARE getting a tree!"
Well, okay then.  I guess we are getting a tree.
Where on earth we will put it, well, that is a conversation for another day.
Here is my issue.
This is currently what my house looks like.

A complete disaster area. 
Piles of music everywhere. (I am STILL working on final details for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  Not to mention the 4 bazillion other pieces that just need to be filed.)
Then, let's just take all of the stuff we bring into the house (boxes that arrive, gift wrapping supplies, mail, whatever) and pile it on TOP of the piles that were already there...waiting to be dealt with.
If there is a flat surface in this place, you can be sure it is currently covered in crap.
This is doing NOTHING to help my level of stress and anxiety, by the way.
What I need is for my house to look like this:

Obviously, the only answer is for me to move.
I need to go out and find a cool studio apartment (just for me) where I can house all of my favorite things, and NOTHING else.
Clean, clutter free, and calm.
Oh, and kick-ass!
Dear Santa,
I want THAT!!! 
And, of course, this:

But you already knew that.
I am just reminding you. ;)
What I know for sure is that I need a WHOLE day to just get caught up.
Next Monday is looking like it might be the only possibility....but that is cutting it pretty darn close.
I am, however, going to do everything in my power to keep that day as obligation free as possible.
(So...if you suddenly feel the need to call me over to paint your bathroom walls or something crazy and spontaneous like that....I highly suggest you don't do it on Monday.  I might not be very friendly that day.)
Speaking of....I have SO noticed this bitchy little monster trying to take over my entire being lately.
I can really tell when I am just not having it with people these days.
I have especially noticed it in situations where I have had a lot of things to get done, and am trying to accommodate others, but they are obviously not putting any effort into what they are doing.  (In other words...they were just wasting my time.)  This, of course, is annoying anytime...but when you have a gazillion things to get done and only small pockets of time to do them in....every second counts.  
I was reminded why I do not teach anymore several times in the last couple of weeks.  Being forced to manage a classroom of kids when I am stressed, and have tons to do just makes me crazy.  
Perhaps I have an unrealistic idea of how a kid should be able to manage their own behavior, and control themselves...but I'm pretty sure my expectations are not above what your average child can handle.
The fact that the "average child" rarely chooses to control themselves, and maintain what I could consider acceptable behavior at all times is what drove me nuts.  (And yes, to me "acceptable behavior" meant "sit down, shut up, and do what you are supposed to do without having to be asked twice.")
Funny how difficult this was for most kids. 
Put them in a group....and their I.Q. levels plummet dramatically.
~ I teach them individually. Usually, this is a much more enjoyable scenario.  However, there are still days when I wonder if my patience will run out.  Typically....I rather surprise myself with the level of calm endurance I have when it comes to dealing with situations that might drive your average human completely insane.
Then, I remember who I live with, and I realize that I have been practicing the art of temperance and restraint everyday for the past 19 years.
Or, I could go a step further, and just take it all the way back to day one, and say I have had 42 long years of practice.
No wonder I am so damn tolerant.
I have lived in crazy-land since the day I was born.
I can handle anything.
But when I am tired, hungry, and stressed fuse is much shorter.
Which brings us back to now.

So, I am going to grab a bottle of wine, throw on some pj's and crawl into bed.
Maybe when I wake up the cleaning fairies will have stopped by and my house will be lovely once again.
Maybe I should drink some more wine.

I find if I just close the door....I can pretend everything on the other side is perfectly pristine.
And that is what I am going to do right now.

Have a lovely Friday!

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