Thursday, December 18, 2014
The Drama Cycle
Some days are just not meant to be blissful.
Yesterday was one of those days.
It started out well enough.
I got an early morning text from my daughter, telling me to tune into 580 AM radio, because the orchestra was about to perform, and she was going to be singing. (She sounded lovely, I must say.)
After being serenaded with "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" I went back to bed for awhile.
Okay....it was until around 10:30.
I'm not sure what my problem is these days, but I am sleeping later and later.
I have been staying up a bit later...but not that late.
Anyway...the night before my hubby had been acting a little "off."
Like something was bothering him.
I asked repeatedly if something was up.
He just kept saying "I'm just tired, and this cold I have is getting to me."
I knew he was lying.
SO....I left him a note in his computer bag.
Because that's what you do when you are in 5th grade, and want to know why your boyfriend is acting weird.
Or, when you are 42, and want to know what's up with your husband.
In the morning I followed up with a text....no reply.
Finally...an hour or two later....he replied.
And yep...something was up.
It was something he had made an assumption about...(an incorrect assumption) that led to opening old wounds about a past argument.
You know...one of those stupid things.
Which, of course, resulted in several texts back and forth throughout the day.
Here is my problem.
I HATE "talking about it."
I suck at "talking."
I always feel like I can't really say what I'm feeling (I worry about hurting the other person's feelings.) or I am not sure how to say what I'm feeling.
It is SO much easier for me to write it out.
I have been like this forever.
Even as a kid...I would write letters to my mom when we were fighting.
I get WAY too emotional, and it is hard to be and effective "fighter" when you are sobbing, and snot is dripping down your face, and your mascara is running.
It just really reduces the likelihood of you keeping the upper hand.
So, I typed texts until my thumbs cramped up.
Then I did what any respectable adult would do.
I didn't come home.
I went shopping instead....because I knew if I went home, he would want to "talk."
Also...I am the queen of drama, so I figured I would let him sit on his hands and watch the clock for awhile. (Since I had the pleasure of doing that all morning while waiting for his text.) I was a total biatch, and didn't bother to let anyone know I wouldn't be coming home after work.
It heightened the level of drama.
(I have a feeling right now you are doing one of two things:
1. Nodding your head, thinking "That is totally what I would do."
2. Thinking "I am SO glad I didn't marry that evil woman."
I finally did come home....and he followed me into the bathroom as I washed off my make-up. (No need to leave on any mascara that could potentially ruin my "upper hand.")
He asked if I wanted "to talk."
Are there any two words that a person could dread more?
I suppose only if it was stated differently:
"I need to talk to you."
That is definitely worse.
I replied with a very mature "FINE."
(props needed: box of kleenex)
An hour later....after "discussing" our miscommunication/misunderstanding/dredging up "old crap that is best left buried...but what fun is that when you can make each other miserable for old time sake?" I was all cried out...and he (I think) was wishing he had never brought any of this stuff up in the first place.
(Men. Will they ever learn?)
He then asked me if I was going to bed.
I, of course, had not written today's blog yet...so I replied "no."
He said "why don't you just write it in the morning?"
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Like that would EVER happen.
It would be posted around....oh, one or two o'clock.
Of course, I hadn't come up with a topic yet...so what else was I going to write about, but the drama from the evening?!
I don't know about you....but I have found that our marriage is on a drama cycle.
I should probably actually chart it out, so I could get a better timeline...but I would estimate that around every 3-4 months, we have a big blow out.
You know, one of those "HELLO! Do you know that I still live here?" kind of rows. The quarrels that start because one or the other is feeling neglected or thinks the other is acting "distant."
Then, there is the month of "Wow! We are getting along SO well! Our marriage is so great. We are going to be awesome empty nesters. We rock!"
Month two comes along, and the honeymoon stage starts to wane....but we don't really notice, or care. Things fall back into a routine again, and we just go about our day as usual. I suppose it is at the end of this month that we start getting all wrapped up in our own stuff, and stop paying attention to the other's happenings, and this is where the drama starts to stir up, and the cycle of ugly begins again!
You should probably tell me if we are the only ones who experience this...
I'm guessing I should contact our therapist immediately if that is the case.
Or not. She makes us talk. And listen.
Remember...I prefer to just write.
Well, I have no idea how you are feeling, but I feel SO much better now that I have gotten all that off my chest!
Yes, I suppose it is time I admit that I pretend this blog is for your entertainment...but in reality, it is my daily therapy.
Yes...it's my exercise in attempting to remain sane.
Someday, I will write a song about that.
How to remain sane.
Or Sane I Remain.
I like that better.
(It sort of sounds like a Dr. Seuss book.)
Have a lovely, drama free Thursday!